update

Thank you all so much for your comments on my last post. I have given it much thought and I'm just not ready to share my little ones here...I may never be ready...we will see.

Things in my life are CRAZY right now. I went back to work last week and already have a big presentation pending (will give it tomorrow) and TONS of cases in the OR. I am exhausted when I come home only to work an even harder job (being a mom) than my profession. One of the medical students said "Oh, well at least you are used to being up all night from all those years of taking call." I thought about that a lot and this is my reply: It is TOTALLY different. At least with call after a terrible-up-all-night kind of night you know that you can come home and forget about it and sleep all day (or at least I used to). With my babies there is never a time when I am not on call.

I now have an even deeper appreciation for my mother and ALL mothers out there...Happy Belated Mother's Day to all of you!

Crazy cat

I know this is probably not the picture you are wanting to see here. I'm sure everyone is checking in to see if I have posted pictures of the twins! Quite honestly, I don't know how I feel about that yet. Seeing as how I don't feel comfortable posting pictures of myself or even associating my real name with this space (for some reason I feel I can speak/post more freely without "fear" of my colleagues/friends reading...silly as it may be I like the anonymity) I cannot see how I will get to the point where I will feel comfortable to post pictures of my adorable children's faces or use their names here. Don't get me wrong...I would love to share them with all of you who visit my space often, those I consider my bloggy friends...it's the weirdos out there I worry about. I would love to hear your thoughts and comments about this! Do you post pictures of your kids???

Anyway...an explanation of the photo...Chloe is obsessed with the bird feeder. She sits on the back of the loveseat stalking the birds morning, noon and night. She is sitting there first thing in the morning waiting for me to open the blinds and is often still sitting there at night when I close them. She leaves only for food or a bathroom break...and the occasional dash out of the room when one of the twins screams out :) Quite comical.

Happy Easter!

Our first Easter with the twins was quite nice. Lots of food, lots of family, lots of rest...divine.

Hope you all had a wonderful Easter and took a little time to remember our Lord and how much he has blessed us all today.

Tiny fingers and tiny toes...

We are finally settling in to things.

Sleepless nights.

Seemingly constant feeding sessions.

Endless joy.

I'm taking a little time to just enjoy these things before the hustle and bustle of life returns to normal when I have to go back to work.
We will be around soon :)

March 17, 2009

Today is my favorite non-major holiday.

Well...it will soon become a major holiday for our family.

...and what a perfect present for mama on St. Patrick's Day...

Two little leprechauns will meet us today!!!

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers and follow my twitter-ings if you wanna know up-to-date info from the hospital!

Will it be this week?

[Photography by my amazingly talented sister!]

36 weeks today!

Who would have guessed we would make it this far?

All the praise and glory of these two little miracles staying put goes to God above. Thank you all for your prayers and support through this pregnancy (with all of its ups and downs) as well as during this difficult time of loosing the first man I ever loved.

1 month

It has been 1 month without my Dad.

My father met his Heavenly Father on February 5, 2009 at 8:00PM and every day since has been hard. Very hard. I miss him so much. Dad was so young, appeared so healthy. It is hard to believe in a matter of a few short weeks one can become so sick. I have so many questions. I replay so many of the events in my mind. What could have been done differently? However, I know my father is in a glorious place and I have started to find a peace in knowing that it was just time. God has a purpose for Dad...a new task...not an earthly one but a heavenly one...I have to focus on that.

Dad was an amazing man. A wonderful provider for his family and a strong Christian. There was nothing on this earth he loved more than "his girls" (my mother, sister, niece, & me). As a child I can remember he would stay home on Saturday mornings to watch The Smurfs with us and spend hours playing with Matchbox cars. I have so many precious memories of Dad: laughing so hard while telling a joke that he couldn't make it to the punch line, twirling and dancing (something I never thought he would do) with my at my wedding, bringing me "treats" (ice cream, dinner, anything!) to the hospital when I was on call, his mantra "If I can't fix it, it isn't broken" (he really could fix ANYTHING) - all of these memories and so many others dance through my head daily.

There wasn't anything my Dad did not do for me or our family. We used to always laugh when he had his "moments" - times when for no reason he would just start crying at dinner, during a movie or driving down the road. It was during these "moments" he would say he just felt so blessed with all that the Lord had given him - mostly meaning us girls. One cannot even watch my high school valedictorian speech...the camera was too shaky and all you can hear was my Dad...my Dad the videographer boo-hooing through the entire thing because he was so proud. He loved being proud of his girls and I loved to make him proud. He would swell with pride each time he saw me wearing my white coat. He loved that and I did too.

I miss him deeply. It hurts everyday.

I am still pregnant...will be 36 weeks this Sunday. I'm back to work and taking it day by day. Amazing, huh? As my due date approaches I find myself with a mix of happiness and extreme sadness. There is nothing in this world that my father wanted more than to hold my babies. He was so proud. My son was to be his first grandson...the first boy in our family. He had such big plans for the two of them. My heart aches that my two children will not physically know this amazing man. However, I plan to make sure they know as much as possible about their Poppy so that his amazing spirit can live on in them. And on that joyous day when Baby A and Baby B make their entrance to this world, I know my father will be there in spirit. He will hold those babies. Dad always was persistent in saying he would be there to hear their first cries as he was for my sisters daughter (the way the delivery room there was set up was perfect...family could see the baby without having to see the delivery) despite my persistent nagging that there was no way that could happen in our hospital with the set up we have...I didn't want him seeing that stuff!

Well, Dad...there is nothing to keep you out now. And I really hope you will be there to meet my babies & hear their first cries. Nothing would make me happier.

[Thank you to all who have noticed my absence and emailed to check on me. It is so touching to know that you care.]